tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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