My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ttyl tear gas
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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