just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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