Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
