i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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