I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
