Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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