So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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