Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
