just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
