I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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