I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
