woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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