you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
please don't ironically join a cult
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