There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize