Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
