is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
