can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
