yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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