never play flip cup with pint glasses
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
