lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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