So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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