I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
