I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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