Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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