my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
