Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
