your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
