why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
