He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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