also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
