I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
