just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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