You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
