You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
