Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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