i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
