just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
