4 words: hood of his car
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
