First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
