Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize