So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
