I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
