I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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