OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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