im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
