I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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