The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
