All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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