I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
