My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
