Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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