I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
