STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
