He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
