sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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