I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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