I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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