Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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