we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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