Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize