Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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