I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
