i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
