I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
