Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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