Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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