Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
