Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
