Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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