She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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