I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
