I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
even my farts smell like vagina
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
