yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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