so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
